INTERFAITHCOURTESY
Thereareimportantdifferencesandsimilaritiesbetweenfaithexpressions,thebeliefoftheRomanCatholicandthatoftheJew--betweenwhattheQuakerbelievesandwhatguidestheBuddhistortheEasternOrthodox.Onekeytoharmoniouscommunitylifeiscourtesy--truecourtesythatrespectstherightsandfeelingsofall.Courtesyandfriendlyknowledgeaboutyourneighborhelppreventtensions,andbuildastrongercommunity.
RELIGIOUSDIETARYLAWS
ManyJewsobserverestrictionsconcerningfoodanditspreparation,butnaturally,anon-Jewishhomeisnotequippedtofollowthem.However,itisimportanttoknowthatpeoplewhomaintainakosherhomewillusuallynoteatthefollowingfoodsawayfromhome:shellfish,porkormeat.ManyJewswillnoteatmostfoodsawayfromhomeduringPassover.
Muslimsdonoteatporkorshellfish,nordrinkalcohol.
IfaRomanCatholicistobeaguestonAshWednesday,oronFridaysinLentitisconsideratetoplanthemealaroundfishorothernon-meatdishes.
MostProtestantsdonotobservedietarylaws,althoughsomeabstainfromalcoholicbeverages.SeventhDayAdventistsrefrainfromalcoholandarevegetarians.
OrthodoxChristiansobservevariousabstinencepractices.ExceptforspecialtimesduringtheliturgicalyearsuchastheweekafterEaster(BrightWeek),OrthodoxChristiansabstainfrommeatand/ordairyproductseachWednesdayandFriday.Beforemajorfeastdaysinthechurch,forexample,Easter,Christmas,orAssumptionoftheVirginMary,abstinencefromallmeatanddairyproductsisexpected.Theperiodoffastingrangesfromonedaytotheforty-dayGreatLentenperiodbeforeEaster.DuringthemonthofRamadanMuslimsdonoteatordrinkfromdawntodusk.
RELIGIOUSHOLIDAYS
InpluralisticAmerica,weareconsciousofmanyofthemajorreligiousfestivalsof:
CHRISTIANS:AshWednesday,PalmSunday,GoodFriday,Easter,Pentecost,Christmas
JEWS:RoshHashanah(NewYear),YomKippur(DayofAtonement),Sukkot(FallHarvest),Hannukah,Purim(VictoryoverHaman),Passover(sevenoreightdaycelebrationoffreedom),Shavuot(givingoftheTorah)
MUSLIMS:Ramadan(monthofthefirstrevelationoftheQu’randuringwhichbelieversfastfor30daysindaylighthours,Eid-ul-Fitr(conclusionofRamadan),Eid-ul-Adha(Abraham’ssacrifice),Milad-un-Nabi(prophetMuhammad’sbirthday)
SERVICESATPLACEOFWORSHIP
Whenattendingaserviceofanothercongregationaguestshowsproperrespectforthetraditionsandrulesofthatparticularhouseofworship,standingwhenothersstand,bowingtheheadatleastwhentheprayersaresaid,coveringoruncoveringtheheadasiscustomary.
Inasynagogue,malesmaybeexpectedtowearayarmulkeorskullcap.
Inamosque,beforeenteringaprayerhall,Muslimsandguestsremovetheirshoes.Muslimswashtheirhandsandfeet.Guestsareexpectedtowashtheirhandsandfeet,becauseprayersaresaidonthefloorcoveredwithcleanrugsorlinens.Women’sdressshowsonlyhandsandface.Thereareareasinthemosqueformenandwomentostandseparately.WhileprayingtogetherMuslimmenandwomendonotshakehandsorembracewithmembersoftheoppositesexorembracetheminpublic.
RITESOFPASSAGE
Thebasicideaforallistheintroductionoftheindividualtothelifeofthecommunity,andgrowthinthatlifeissignaledbyspecialrites.
EASTERNORTHODOX
Birth:EasternOrthodoxchildrenhavejustonegivenname.Soonafterbirth,onoraboutthe40thday,theinfantandmothergotochurchonaSundaytobeblessed.ThispracticeiscalledaChurching.
Baptism:TheEasternOrthodoxconfirmsatthetimeofbaptisminearlyinfancy(usuallywithinthefirstyearoflife).FollowingChrist’scommandtobaptizeintheNameoftheFather,andtheSon,andtheHolySpirit,thechildisimmersedthreetimesinabaptismalfont.AtthistimethechildisgivenaChristianname,chrismated(confirmed),tonsured(cuttingofhair),andgivencommunion.Godparentsagreetomonitorthespiritualdevelopmentofthechild.ThebaptismalserviceisnormallyperformedonaSundayaftertheDivineLiturgy.Friendsandrelativesarealwaysinvitedtothisjoyousoccasionandtothecelebrationthattakesplaceafterwards.
Communion:Thechildispermittedtoreceivecommunionasaninfant.TheEucharistisinfactofferedateachDivineLiturgycelebratedeachSundayandonotherspecialdaysoftheliturgicalyeartobaptizedOrthodoxChristians.Itisnotofferedtonon-OrthodoxChristians.
Chrismation(Confirmation):ItistheOrthodoxpracticetoconfirmanindividualatthetimeofbaptism.
Marriage:ToOrthodoxChristiansmarriageisasacrament,ortousetheGreekword,mysterium,becauseChristispartofthemarriageandtheHolySpiritiscalledupontomakethecoupleoneflesh.Inaddition,atthemarriageservicethehusbandandwifearecrownedasthekingandqueenoftheirhomeandpotentialfamily,circlethealtarinthedanceofIsaiah,shareacommoncupofwine,andareblessedasGodblessedAbrahamandSarah,IsaacandRebecca,JoachimandAnna,ZechariasandElizabeth,andasthecoupleattheMarriageFeastatCana.Friendsandrelativesareinvitedtotheweddingserviceandthefollowingreceptiontocongratulateandtoblessthenewlymarriedcouple.
Death:NormalpracticeistoholdafuneralserviceintheChurchthreedaysafterdeath.Beforethen,callinghoursatafuneralhomeforonetotwodaysdependinguponthecircumstancesarearrangedtoallowfriendsandrelativestopayrespecttothedepartedandtoconsolethefamily.EachdaybeforeburialthepriestconductstheTrisagionPrayersofmercyatthewake.AfterthefuneralandfinalTrisagionatthecemetery,aMealofMercyispreparedandofferedattheChurchoratanearbyrestaurantforthefamilyandfriends.Duringthisperiodflowersmaybesenttothefuneralhome,and/ordonationsmadetotheChurch,and/ordonationsmadeinthedeceasedperson’snametoadesignatedcharity.Ithasbecomecustomarythatblackorsomberclothesareworntothewakeandfuneral.IntheOrthodoxtradition,however,thecolortobewornbythepriestiswhiteduringthefuneralservice.Out-of-townfriendsandrelativeswhoarenotabletoattendthefuneralmaysendflowersand/ormessagesofcondolencestothefuneralhomeortothefamilyhome.
Namedays:WithinEasternOrthodoxy,thereisthepracticeofcelebratingapatronsaint’sfeastday--thesaintforwhomoneisnamed.It’sappropriatetooffercongratulations.
ROMANCATHOLIC
Catholicchildrenhavejustonesetofgodparents.Abaptizednon-Catholicmaybeaskedtobeoneofthegodparentsorofficialwitness.Catholicchildrenoftenreceiveoneortwonames,oneofwhichisfrequentlythatofasaint.
Birth:It’sacceptabletosendflowers,cards,orgiveasmallgiftforthebaby.AmongCatholics,baptismusuallyoccursduringthechild’sfirstfewmonthsoflife.BaptismgenerallytakesplaceonaSundayafternoonorataregularSundayliturgy.
Communion:CommunionisadministeredtoCatholics,startingaboutthesecondgrade,whetherornottheyareconfirmedafteraperiodofinstruction.Catholicsgenerallydonotoffercommuniontonon-Catholics.
Confirmation:WesternCatholicsgenerallyadministertheSacramentofConfirmationduringhighschoolyears.ConfirmationisperceivedasthegiftoftheHolySpirittoempoweronetoliveasaChristianintheworldbutisalsousedasanopportunitytotorenewone’sbaptismalcommitment.EasternCatholicsgenerallyhavethesamepracticeastheOrthodoxofconfirmingatthetimeofbaptismininfancy.Itisappropriatetocongratulatethenewlyconfirmedandjoininthefamilycelebration.
Marriage:MarriageoftwoChristiansisconsideredasacramentbyCatholics.Catholicsareexpectedtobemarriedbeforeapriestandtwowitnesses.TheweddingmusttakeplaceinachurchunlessaCatholicismarryingaMuslimorJew.CatholicsmarryingChristiansofotherchurchesarereadilygrantedpermissiontobemarriedinthechurchoftheotherChristianbeforehisorherpriestorministeraslongastheCatholicaffirmshisorherintenttocontinuelivingtheCatholicfaithandendeavoringtosharethatfaithwiththeiroffspring.TheofficialwitnessatthemarriageofaCatholicneednotbeaCatholic.
Death:Ifcallinghours(wake)areheld,itisappropriatetovisitandoffercondolences.Flowersmaybesenttothefuneralhomeorhomeofthebereaved.It’salsoappropriatetosendflowerstothehomeunlessthefamilyrequestsnoflowers.
PROTESTANTS
Itisacceptabletosendflowersandcardsandsendasmallgiftforanewbaby.
Birth:SomeProtestantchurchesnowprovidealiturgicalcelebrationofthanksgivingforthebirthoradoptionofachild.I
Baptism:InfantbaptismiscommoninmostProtestantchurches.SomeProtestantdenominationspermittwoormoregodparents.Somewaituntilthechildisofanagetounderstandthebaptismalceremonybeforeperformingit,thusemphasizingthepersonalfaithcommmitment.SomeProtestantsdonotbaptizeatall.
ThechildrenofCongregationalistparentsmaybebaptizedatanyage,andgodparentsarenottraditional,thoughpermissible.EpiscopaliansandLutheransrequiregodparents(orsponsors)fortheirchildren.
ForBaptists,actualbaptismwithcompleteimmersiontakesplaceanytimeaftertheageoftwelve,whentheindividualisbelievedtobeabletomakeaFree-willdecisiontocomeintothechurch.
Presbyteriansbaptizeatanyage,withoutgodparents.Aftertheageoftwelve,theindividualiselectedtothechurch.
Methodistsbaptizeatanytimeandthechildhasatleastonesponsor.TheparentsmakeastatementatthetimeofbaptismpromisingtobringupthechildintheChristianwayoflife.Quakersdonothaveachristeningceremony.
Communion:InsomeProtestantchurchestheindividualministermayadministerthesacramenttothebaptizedathisowndiscretion.InmostProtestantchurches,thosewhoacceptJesusChristmayreceivecommunion.
Confirmation:ConfirmationisgenerallyunderstoodasthematureactoffaithwherebyapersonacceptstheBaptismalvows,takenonher/hisbehalf,asher/hisownresponsibility.ItisseenasanintegralpartoftheinitiationritebeguninBaptism.
Marriage:InProtestantchurches,marriageisrecognizedasasacredevent,preferablyperformedbyanordainedminister/priest.Increasingly,mostclergyrequireaseriouspre-marriagecounselingprogramwiththeengagedcouple.Alocalchurchisconsideredtheproperplaceforthewedding,butoccasionally,forgoodreason,thesettingmaybeelsewhere.
Death:Ministrytothebereavedisveryimportant.However,thereisnouniformityconcerning"callinghours,"whethertheburialservice(funeral)willbefromthechurchorthelocalfuneralhome,orwhetherornotflowersareappropriate.Itisalwaysappropriate,however,toexpressone’scondolencestothebereavedandrespectforthedeceasedbywritinganote,attendingthe"callinghours"iftheyareheld,attendingtheburialserviceunlessitisprivate,andbyofferingatangibleexpressionofcaring(food,flowers,acontributiontotheperson’schurchorcharity)unlessrequestednottodoso.
JUDAISM
Foreventsofjoy,whenanon-Jewisinvited,itisimportanttoattendandeatwhatisprovided.
Birth:AmongreligiousJews,thedayofcircumcisionisthesamedayastheboychild-naming.
AJewishchildisusuallynamedafteradeceasedperson.Biblicalnamesareoftenused.
Agirlreceiveshernamewhenherfathergoestoasynagogueassoonaspossibleaftersheisborn,usuallyonaSabbath(whichisfromFridayatsunsetuntilSaturdayatsunset).ThefatheriscalleduptotheTorahduringtheTorahreadingservice,andrecitesablessingovertheTorah.TheRabbithenrecitesaprayerinbehalfofthenewborngirlandherparents.Atthattime,theHebrewnameisgiven.ThereisnoJewishrequirementfortheappointmentofgodparents.However,manyJewshaveadoptedthecustomofappointinggodparentsatthebirthofaboyoragirl.
Bar/BatMitzvah:ItisawidelyobservedtraditionforJewstocelebratetheBarMitzvahofaboywhenhereachestheageofthirteen.ReformandConservativeJewsequallycelebratetheBatMitzvahofgirlswhentheyreachtheageofthirteen.
Confirmation:ConfirmationisaceremonyheldinReformandsomeConservativecongregations.ItoriginatedinGermanyintheearlypartofthenineteenthcentury.IttakesplaceontheFestivalofShavuot(weeks)whenJewscelebratethegivingoftheTorahtotheJewishpeople.Ninthortenthgradestudentsconfirmtheirfaithwithanappropriatereligiousceremonyatthattime.ItispartofreligiousschooltrainingforJewishchildren.
Marriage:Marriage,accordingtoJewishtradition,isthenaturalstateofmanandwoman:"Enjoylifewiththewifewhomyoulove..."(Ecclesiastes9:9).Inpasttradition,anengagementceremonyprecededtheweddingceremony.Today,theceremoniesarejoinedtogether.Themaritalcanopy(Chupah),maritaldocument(Ketubah),exchangeofrings,recitationofthesevenweddingblessings,andbreakingoftheglassareamongthetraditionalpracticesperformedatweddingceremonies.Itisthecustomthatarabbiandcantorofficiate.
Guestsgenerallydonotparticipateintheceremony,butwitnessthejoyoftheceremony.Dietaryregulations(theobservanceofKashmut)mayapplytotheweddingreception.TheydoapplyinaConservativeorOrthodoxwedding.
Death:Itiscustomaryforfriendsandneighborstoprepareforthemournerthefirstmealafterthefuneral,andtoencouragethebereavedtopartakeofthefood.Donotbringnon-kosherfoodtoakosherhome.Itisimportant,however,toknowthatoneneversendsflowerstoaJewishfuneral.CondolencecallsshouldbemadenolaterthantheShivah(sevendays)periodofmourning.Thesevendaysarecountedfromthedayofthefuneral.Anhouroftheseventhdayiscountedasafullday.Visitsshouldbemade,therefore,withinthesixdaysafterthefuneral.ManyJews,however,observeShivah-mourningperiodforthesedaysonly.
Itisagrowingcustomforclosefriendstosendflowerstothefamilyofthedeceasedsometimeduringtheweeksfollowingthefuneral(excepttoOrthodoxJews).
FuneralsarenotencouragedinOrthodoxsynagogues.Therefore,OrthodoxJewishfuneralsareusuallyheldinmortuarychapelsorathome,withthemenandwomenassemblingsidebyside,menwithcoveredheads.
AmongOrthodoxandConservativeJewsitiscustomaryfortheimmediatefamilyandfriendstoreturntothehomeofthemournersimmediatelyfollowingtheintermentofthedeceased.Friendsinthecommunitycometothehomeofthemournersateveningtimeforsevendaysthereafter,forthepurposeofparticipatinginaworshipservice.It’scalled"Shivah,"whenthemournersdonotleavetheirhomesforanybusinessorsocialcontactsforsevendaysfollowingthedeathofalovedone.
ReformJewsreturntothehomeofthemournersimmediatelyfollowingburialforabriefworshipservice.Thisreligiousserviceinthehomeisoptional,andisconductedbytheRabbioralaymanatthesuggestionofsomememberofthefamily.ReformJewsrefrainfrombusinessandsocialcontactsforacustomaryperiodofatleastthreedaysfollowingthedemiseofalovedone.
MUSLIM
Birth:AccordingtoIslamicbeliefs,achildisbornpureandinnocent.TheMuslimscelebratethebirthofachild,asachildisconsideredtobeagiftandtrustofAllah.AsfollowersoftheProphetAbraham’stradition,circumcisionofthemalechildisarequirementinIslam,preferablywithinaweekafterthebirth,child’shealthpermitting.
Aqiqah:Afterthebirthofachild,theparents(asapracticeoftheProphet),iffinanciallycapable,slaughteralamb/goatandsharethemeatwiththefamily,friendsandtheneedyasawayofthankingAllah.
CompletionoftheHolyQur’an:TheQur’anisthewordofAllah--theholybookofIslam.ThefirstthingaMuslimchildlearnsishowtoreadtheQur’an.ThecompletionoftheQur’anbyachildiscelebratedwithgreatpleasureandasenseoffulfillmentbythefamily.
FirstFastoftheChild:FastingduringthemonthofRamadanisthethirdpillarofIslam.Achildisencouragedtostartfastingwhenever(s)heisphysicallyabletodoso.FriendsandrelativesareinvitedforIFTAR(breakingthefast)whenachildfastsforthefirsttime.Achild’saccomplishmentiscelebratedbyfamily,friends,andrelatives.
TheMarriage(Al-Nikah):TheIslamicteachingsencourageMuslimstogetmarried,tolivetogetherinharmonywithmutualloveandrespect,tohavechildrenandtoraisethemasbelievingandpracticingMuslims.MarriageinIslamisamutualcommitmentbetweentwopersonsbeforeAllah.ItisnecessarythatthemarriageshouldbeadministeredinpublicbyanyadultMuslimandwitnessedbytwopersons.
Theceremonymaybeperformedatanyconvenientandappropriategatheringplace,preferablyinamosque.ItisrequiredbyQur’anthatamangivehiswifesomesortofmarriagegift(MOHAIR)thathecanafford.Thisgiftishersbyright.
Death:Deathistheendofthepresentlife,butaMuslimbelievesinthelifehereafter.DeathisconsideredtobeAllah’swill.ForMuslims,deathisnotthefinalend,butatemporaryseparationofsoulfromthebodywhichwillbebroughtbacktolifeontheDayofJudgment.WhenaMuslimlearnsthenewsofaperson’sdeath,hesays:
"InnaLillahaewaInnaElaihaeRajae’uon."(Verily,untoAllahdowebelongandverily,untoHimshallwereturn--Quran2:156).
RelativesandfriendsgatheratthehomeofthedeceasedPerson,givecomforttotheimmediatefamilymembers,recitetheQur’anandprayforAllah’sforgivenessandmercyforthedead.
Relativesandfriendsgatheratthehomeofthedeceasedperson,givecomforttotheimmediatefamilymembers,recitetheQur’anandprayforAllah’sforgivenessandmercyforthedead.
Thedeadbodyisburiedassoonaspossible;cremationandroutineautopsiesareforbidden.Theburialisthetoppriorityafterapersondiesandmusttakeplaceassoonasarrangementscanbemade.Noformalitiesorwaitingforanybodyshoulddelaytheburial.Therefore,friendsandrelativesexpeditetheprocessandcompletetheburial.Forburial,thebodyiswashed(amanbymenandawomanbyawoman).
Burialshouldtakeplaceinthemostsoberanddignifiedmannerandtheresourcesshouldbesavedforthesurvivorsratherthanwastingthemonanexorbitantburial.Thefaceshowingisnotinthecultureoflslam,thoughcloserelativesmaydoso.
Intheeventofamaledeath,hiswidowmustobserveawaitingperiodofaboutfourlunarmonths.Shemaygetmarriedafterthatperiod.Thisisnecessaryinordertodetermineherprobablepregnancywiththedeceasedhusband,andthereforethedistributionofhisbequesttohischildren.Thefriendsandrelativesareobligedtokeepthegrievedfamilyrelievedoftheburdenofpreparingmealsforthreedays.
TherecitationoftheholyQur’anisrecommendedbythebedsideofapersonabouttodietofacilitatetheremembranceofAllah.Thefuneralprayer(service)isanobligationofMuslims.Itshouldbeobservedbyatleastsome,butnotnecessarilyall.Visitingthemournersduringthefirstthreedaysafterthedeathishighlyrecommended.Givenlslam’semphasisonmoderationandsimplicity,giftsofflowersandcandyarenotsuitable.Thenon-Muslimfriendscanshowtheirsympathyandloveinsomanyotherways,suchasbybeingpresentatthefuneralservicesorbypayingavisittothemourningfamily.Non-MuslimfriendsmayexpresstheirsympathytothebereavedfamilybysayingthatAllahshowHisMercytothedeceasedandforgivehim/her.
ModerationinCelebrationofFestivalsandSocialOccasions:Inthecelebrationofalloccasions,whethertheyareofreligiousnatureorofsocialcharacter,Islamadvocatesmoderationandneverallowsanindividualtoexceedthesocio-moralnormsofresponsibility.WhiletheEidsareoccasionsforjoyandhappinesstheyarecertainlynotoccasionsforfrivolity,overeating,etc.ThejoythataMuslimfeelsonEidisthespiritualjoyoffulfillmentachievedthroughdiscipline,piety,andcollectiveworshiptoAllah.EachoftheEiddaysbeginswithprayer(Salat)andisspentinalmsgiving,visitingfriendsandrelatives,andexchanginggiftsandgreetings.ThespiritofEidisthespiritofpeace,forgiveness,andtogetherness.
Thespiritofmoderationalsoteachesonetoavoidextravaganceanddisplayofmaterialwealth.InIslamthesocialstatusandrankcomesnotwithmoneybutthroughpietyandobediencetoAllah.
